Which is more important: learning or grades? I have brought this up before, and I know the answer. Do my students, their parents/guardians, my building and district administrators, and those politicians who represent me in our Republic know the answer? I think not. My kids asked me something one day about what we would be covering until the end of the year, and I explained that we might not get the whole world done, there was just so little time. When they looked disappointed I asked them which they thought was more important for me to do for them:

- have them memorize all the countries, and get all the world covered, or
- teach them the tools and resources they could use to find out what they needed to know once they had left my room.

They all agreed that the second of the two was the best choice, and that is my goal. Am I succeeding in this? Yes, and no. I am still new at this game, and I wonder when I will feel experienced, all-knowing, etc. Maybe never in one sense. My kids teach me things everyday, and they have been one of my best sounding boards for my learning as a teacher.

What's the point of this? I'll get there in a minute . . . maybe. I think that it would be an understatement for me to say that my frustration level with this process known to us in EDOL 699 as practicum, portfolio, review board, graduation, etc. is high. (In some of my less than stellar moments lately, I have referred to this process in terms not to be mentioned here. Just ask my long suffering wife.) I am sure I am not alone in this. I am sure that others in the course, like me, have just sat down, mentally exhausted, and asked themselves this: Is this what there really is to teaching? Filling out forms? Making lesson plans "just so"? Is it really all about the script, and doing things just this way or that? I know that I have found myself getting lost in this, the other day my team mate asked me if I could please go back to how I was when I first came to the school as a sub. When I asked why, she told me that I had a love for the classroom, the kids, etc. that was just gone now. I have become the state-approved automaton. I now know why I used to see teachers that followed a script, and any deviation was not allowed. They bought in, and never found themselves again, as spontaneous, loving teachers again.
I have come to the conclusion this weekend that I will just fill all of this stuff out the best I know how, and let the Lord take care of the rest. This process is just one more hurdle to get me where I want to be in the classroom with my kids.

I HAVE to find my way back home as a teacher to bring the love and affection I once had in my room, the hallways, gym, etc. At times like this, I often recall one of my favorite movie characters, Maximus Decimus Meridius from the movie Gladiator. "All that we do echoes down through eternity." That was one of the greatest quotes of the movie, and something I think I, my fellow practicum students, and even experienced teachers need to keep in mind.